Today, I begin again. Two weeks of learning and I am ready to begin a new day 1 in The Orange Rhino challenge. This challenge isn’t about yelling, though, at least not in its entirety. At least not for me.
This challenge is about me becoming more of myself. Releasing the layers of blocks and the layers of negative energy that clings from a static charge built up over decades. The more I shed from without, the further I can go within.
Camp – the place I Connect.
Have you read The Clan of the Cave Bear? I read it at my favorite place in the world, laying on the outdoor bed, smelling the sharp, sweet scent of the mountain trees, hearing the comforting rush of the river just a walk away. Needles at my elbows, dropping in the breeze, the sun peeking through the branches in an endless sky.
At Camp, my Heaven on Earth, I read the story of Ayla and my life opened to me. A way of considering God that didn’t call it God and had no religion. I felt like Edison with the first spark of light. Not yet successful, and sure that something was there.
I’m obsessed with path and purpose and isn’t it funny? My purpose, everyone’s purpose, is simply to become more of who we are. I am here to be exactly who I am. The simplicity of it brings a smile to my face. I am simply here to be me. That is my Purpose; to share my self with others. Letting go of ego, pride, layers of defense. To live authentically from my heart and soul.
Contraction is necessary because through it we learn. Last week I was painfully ashamed at how negative I was being. I was so down, so pessimistic, so grumpy! Through the help of a friend taking me through Byron Katie’s The Work, through meditation, through journaling, through sheer desire, I’ve remembered that it is simply the texture of life. Every negative state, every pitfall in life is a lesson. Look into it, lean into it, learn it and expansion will naturally occur. Resist it and it will persist. There can be no light without dark, no green light without the red, no good without bad. How would we recognize one without the other? We wouldn’t. Life, like the Earth, is built with peaks and valleys. It’s texture.
Now, 20 years later, a new spark (sparks can be seen only in a darkened space, you know). Oh my goodness, I have to laugh at myself. Resisting everything that a Catholic upbringing taught me about God and Angels had closed the door to to my Purpose. I would say, “I’m Spiritual, but not Religious.” I didn’t realize that I was cutting myself off from the Source of All. I still feel a physical pause when I consider writing, “God.” God-Source is All. Mother Nature, God, Allah, The Unified Energy Field. the Universe, whatever anyone calls it or whether one believes in it or not IT IS.
By cutting myself off from… God… I still like Source better. By cutting myself off from Source Energy I cut myself off from myself. I am God, you are God. God is within and around and ev.ry.where. All things are one thing – energy. All these concepts that my head has learned are suddenly integrating into my very cells.
What does all of this have to do with The Orange Rhino challenge? When I am connected, I AM LOVE. And when I am love, I don’t feel much like yelling. And when I do go back into contraction and negativity (because I am human), those states in which I yell at my kids, I’ll remember that it’s OK to be there… eventually.
(More on my Orange Rhino journey can be found at my parenting blog: Adventures of a Domestic Goddess Mommy)